Saturday, January 26, 2013

Aphorisms for the weak

I hate violence, so I kicked it in the face.

Remember when ancient Romans were a cliche.

There was a time when professional meant getting paid for. Now we can see professional jobseekers everywhere.

What does time have to do with it, when you are already late.

Who are we to say what we hear?

Powerful are the weak, when they think of the opposite.

If the most famous fictional Danish prince Hamlet was a real thing, he would still speak English.

If Chuck Norris laughed at himself, people would have hard time deciding, is it a matter of life and a roundhouse kick.

Chickens lay eggs, eggs are like children, does it mean if I drop them, they will crack.

When walking in straight line and nobody is monitoring, is the line really straight, or are we just too gay to notice it at all.

If you wish for rain, and it doesn't rain, is it a rainy day then?

Some say to vegetarians, that Hitler was the most well known vegetarian, and he had just one ball. People forget how a great guy Josef Stalin was.

Man walks into a pub. The pub never forgave him.

It is said that all the good things in life come in small packages. Does that mean that the big ones doesn't?

If you open your heart to the whole wide world, there is going to be a draft inside.

Teaching children to behave is like behaving amongst children. 

Don't do compromises. When you start doing those, you have to do them for the rest of your life. So don't.

Don't ask what your country can do for you, ask where is it.

When doing Sudokus or crossword puzzles, always use paintball. Using a pencil is practicing. Bosses and chiefs use paintballs.

Discussing of offsides is the art of understanding. 

Why would anybody want an iphone 5, when they could get a cancer and die alone?

I want to write laws, which nobody obeys, but always think that there should be something written about it.

Remote control is usually in the refrigerator, pencil behind your ear, glasses on your forehead, but there is really no place for abrupt poems.

I've had problems with my eyes, so I'm trying different glasses. This one is filled with Guinness.

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Fourth Season of Ireland

Sometimes, when people ask, why I moved to Ireland, I say "because of the weather". It's a good icebreaker. Haven't met any Irish local yet, who isn't aware that the rest of the the world sees these closely located two island nations, England and Ireland, as the lands of constant rain. Sometimes, when folks back home ask about the weather, I explain that it's like a karaoke bar. If you don't like it, next one is up in fifteen minutes. Although I haven't been to a karaoke bar, where the shortest available song is the Stairway to Heaven by Led Zeppelin.

What people don't realise is that Ireland has four seasons: spring, summer, fall and winter. Summer is usually fifteen minutes long between the short bursts of rain (or fog as it is sometimes referred as) and it lasts about the whole year. And then there's the winter.

This year, winter started yesterday, at about 9 am, with a long-waited snow pouring all-over the country.

And it lasted until 12 pm. I believe this was expected. Local media started to hyperbole the upcoming blizzard storm, that will destroy all living things, sometimes very close to november. Illustration used, was usually pictures taken from Antarctica and photoshopped with people freezing dead.

During that long winter The Guardian even got their glacier expert to explain why some of the ice is slippy and some of it is grippy.

Also in the breaking news: England and Ireland were officially closed and put in to quarantine for the whole time. Here's a short caption of the news feed: this one from BBC. Dublin Bus gave out information of those bus lines that would still be going if anything fails. Basically the buses still followed the same distinctive routine of Zen, that keeps them running regardless of the weather. They just drove around laughing at the timetables.

After three hours of unsustainable living conditions, the winter was officially over, and the head smurf Enda Kenny pronounced, that there will be ice-cream for everyone.

Now that the winter is long past, we all can start enjoying the spring. There will probably be some rains joining us tomorrow.

Sunday, January 20, 2013

Project Jenny

Long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away. That's common knowledge, so common, that you don't have to explain to anyone, where it's from. Also Lord of the Rings; it also common - nobody is expected to have read to fekin trilogy to know what is a hobbit.

If somebody knows what these beforemenionted jackasses are about, they usually want to make sure that they know their stuff. By sword if necessary.

I'm different. I learned that the person I love, and probably enjoy anyways, has not seen Star Wars. I was not going the be the one who  forces her the see the original trilogy, because of it. We were watching Boondocks Saints II, when I threw a joke about it: "You've have not probably seen Indiana Jones movies either", and this was because she enjoyed the Skyfall-flick, and this is the first Bond-movie I liked. Later on, I understood that there are lots of films, which I'm referring to, but she only understands the referendum-jokes, because it's so common knowledge.

What started as a Joke, is going to be a project. Because everyone knows why they like those movies, which should be a part of common knowledge.

This is Project Jenny. This a list of movies, she should have been seen, but she hasn't, but there should be a reason why she should see them. Funny part is this: She explained to me why I missed all the good parts while  watching Machete.

So if people could explain why Jenny should see these (at least) movies:
- Star Wars IV-Vi (from New Hope to Jedi xxxx)
- Indiana Jones (everyone of them)
- Casablanca (where the "play it again, Sam" comes from)
- Gone with the wind (this is the one with the "dear Frank, I give a damn, no, not this one, what was the line again, oh yeah, Dear Frank my damn goes again, no that's not it, it's Dearly Frank, I write this as I am and beloved, no this is not the line neither, please forgive me, I will do it perfectly if somebody could help me to memorise the line")
- Citizen Kane (I'm actually not sure if she has seen this one)
- Godfather 1 and (third one is a comeback-movie,which explains why "I try to get out, but they always pull me back in")
- Back to the Future
- Matrix 2, and 3
- Reservoir dogs (and everyone of Tarantino's movies: "I don't like violent movies -- but you should see Macete")

And this is the the list so far, but, and there is always a but, I find myself trying to explain why these movies should have been seen already. But my reasonings are even more than just faulty. I would like people to give me reasoins why Jenny should see these movies. This list is probably going to be alive, because she she says to lots of movie, which I like, but she doesn't see the reason to watch those.She has seen Ghostbusters of course, but she doesn't see any reason to watch mentioned movies.

What I ask: Contribute to project Jenny
Project Jenny: Tell why certain movies should be seen (list might change) - name the movie and the reasons!

Sunday, January 6, 2013

The Hobbit: an unexpected review by me

Yesterday I went to see the new Hobbit movie in Blanchardstown Odeon Theater. I was already exhausted with the bad reviews the movie had accumulated during it's first month. The Atlantic's Noah Berlatsky wrote of "Peter Jackson's Violent Betrayal of Tolkien", which left me expecting that this will be The Matrix two and three combined the bad way, with ninjadwarves devastating every little cute animal and troll in middle-earth.

Also, one Finnish review spoke of the new technique being too much for human eye, giving people headaches and other unwanted affects. That particular review was more of the critic's nauseous feelings than anything actually concerning the film except for those small parts where the credits we're mentioned.

We arrived ten minutes late in theater, and thought that we can skip the commercials. The movie started late because of technical problems. But the crew handled it well and made me feel at ease. If you know the nervous feeling when you are in the queue of a supermarket, and you have only one or two articles which you want to buy, and on that specific particular moment every grandmother and family, of at least seven, is in front of you, and every one of them have forgotten their wallets (or equivalent of moneyholders) underneath their huge amounts of groceries to be bought, and you are like "c'mon, move it assholes, before I get Michael Douglas-on-Falling-down on your asses. I had that similar feeling for the moment, and it was cumulative with  the unpleasant feeling I got from listening a few creamass youngsters talking about how they got nothing for Christmas (except for earrings, pillows, pillowcases, etc. but not the membership card for Jimmy's, which is what she would really have wanted).

Hopefully you can grasp the moment how I felt before the movie, because after that everything went to better.

Commercials were cut off because of the delay. Opening credits, and then boom:

Bilbo Baggins is starting his memoirs in the old good Shire, dwarves are losing their mountain of home to some badass dragon, and there is something wrong with the picture. What is wrong with the picture? Everything seems so clear, and beautiful, details look like in real life (or at least as close as it has ever been), and the reason is that the action is unfolded in a 48 ffpbs format (forty-eight fuckin frames per bloody second, Peter Jackson's marvelous new format). This is probably the best thing I've ever seen this far.

And what about the action sequences. There isn't that much of it, as one would expect. My expectations were on the level of the later Matrix movies, but I was surprised. No yawning on that frontier. The level was just about right, take or leave a few clips of axesurgery. I have always thought that good books should be made into tv-series unless they are the evil darkspawn of Dan Brown (pun intended, cause I like to read his books, so I can complain about them). No living pictures can handle an average length of an american season format of 12-24 episodes of Dan Brown. Hobbit part one really digs into the Tolkien's book without missing anything critical. Even the lovely lyrics have been arranged to beautiful harmonies, which feel like as they were written by Tolkien himself. Also the naive and jolly feeling of the book's beginning is captured as emotionally as I remember it, when reading the book on my teenage years.

Now the expectations have lifted, and I am ready to crush the part two. If using the range from 9 to 10, I'll give this first one, hmmm, ten.

Howard Shore - Misty Mountains - The Hobbit: an unexpected Journey soundtrack
Misty Mountains by Howard Shore on Grooveshark

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Finnish police will start distributing malware in a year

As I wrote about this absurdity of confiscating 9-year old girl's Winnie The Pooh -laptop couple of months ago for piracy, my subtext was about that there is something seriously wrong in Finland. It seems, that even though Finland gets very good ratings for their educational system and the IT know-how is in a very good shape, the legislator seems to be unaware of the laws being written.

In 2014 new police law will be enforced in Finland. Legislator has thought it to be a good idea for police officials to start distributing malware.

When thinking of all the norty little things done in the cyberworld, it seems uncalled that officials starts to do something that, I believe without looking the statistics,  most internet users think as being malicious, unthoughtful and unfair. And again, I only believe that I speak on behalf of all the people of the internets, that starting the distribution of new software that gets installed in people's computer without user's knowledge, for the sole purpose of gathering intelligence reports of how the computer is being used.

Finnish legislator has only made it legal, now it is up to officials to figure out, what to make out of this law. Officials seem to be tempted of this new tool. "When legislator gives us a tool, of course we want to use it. Although it is not simple or cheap", Chief inspector Chief Timo Piiroinen told to Helsingin Sanomat (in Finnish).