Aphorisms for the weak

I hate violence, so I kicked it in the face.

Remember when ancient Romans were a cliche.

There was a time when professional meant getting paid for. Now we can see professional jobseekers everywhere.

What does time have to do with it, when you are already late.

Who are we to say what we hear?

Powerful are the weak, when they think of the opposite.

If the most famous fictional Danish prince Hamlet was a real thing, he would still speak English.

If Chuck Norris laughed at himself, people would have hard time deciding, is it a matter of life and a roundhouse kick.

Chickens lay eggs, eggs are like children, does it mean if I drop them, they will crack.

When walking in straight line and nobody is monitoring, is the line really straight, or are we just too gay to notice it at all.

If you wish for rain, and it doesn't rain, is it a rainy day then?

Some say to vegetarians, that Hitler was the most well known vegetarian, and he had just one ball. People forget how a great guy Josef Stalin was.

Man walks into a pub. The pub never forgave him.

It is said that all the good things in life come in small packages. Does that mean that the big ones doesn't?

If you open your heart to the whole wide world, there is going to be a draft inside.

Teaching children to behave is like behaving amongst children. 

Don't do compromises. When you start doing those, you have to do them for the rest of your life. So don't.

Don't ask what your country can do for you, ask where is it.

When doing Sudokus or crossword puzzles, always use paintball. Using a pencil is practicing. Bosses and chiefs use paintballs.

Discussing of offsides is the art of understanding. 

Why would anybody want an iphone 5, when they could get a cancer and die alone?

I want to write laws, which nobody obeys, but always think that there should be something written about it.

Remote control is usually in the refrigerator, pencil behind your ear, glasses on your forehead, but there is really no place for abrupt poems.

I've had problems with my eyes, so I'm trying different glasses. This one is filled with Guinness.